I Have Terrible Anxiety When I’m Not In Control Of My Husband And His Behavior.. Help!

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Woman who feels there’s something wrong with the way she reacts over not being able to control her husband and his behavior shares her story and seeks for advise.. Read

I have terrible anxiety when I’m not in control of my husband and his behavior. I know it is wrong and not reasonable at all to expect to have control over every aspect of my husband but if I do not, I begin to feel anxious. I have been this way with every relationship in the past as well. For example, when a boyfriend would go to a party without me I had to know exactly what he was doing at all times, did not want him to drink at all and could not sleep until he was home. If these requests were not met I would begin to panic. I would cry so hard I would hyperventilate and gag. I would pace back and forth and wring my hands. I have even hit my head against a wall hoping I would knock myself out. I am not sure if this is considered a panic attack or some sort of psychological break but it makes me feel like I’m crazy and I know that I am not. Just recently my husband traveled across the country for his grandmothers funeral and I was ok until I found out that he went to a bar afterwards with his family and was drinking. The more he drank the less he kept in contact and I began to spiral out of control with anxiety. I do not think this comes from a fear that he will cheat as I honestly do not think he would. I feel that it stems from me not being able to control his behavior and know what he is doing at all times. I do not like drinking as it is, but when he is not with me it is absolutely unacceptable to me. I hate the fact that I feel this way. I just want to be able to let it go but I can’t. I know sometimes my husband is insensitive and I have a right to be angry, but to lose control like this feels terrible. I can’t eat or sleep. I just cry and panic. I even want control to the point that I do not want my husband to find another woman attractive. I can’t bear the thought of him even thinking another woman is pretty so in a sense I even want to control his thoughts. I am wondering if anyone else has similar feelings or if anyone has suggestions. Please be kind as I am aware that my behavior is not normal or good.